Reverend V’s BLOG
Before We Start…
I’m pretty easy going…
I don’t ask much.
RESPECT.
COOPERATION.
I’m NOT one of your “girlfriends.”
DON’T Treat Me As Such!
I’m YOUR Reverend!
I WILL Work WITH You
On Just About EVERYTHING.
I admit.
I AM “Old Fashioned”
I BELIEVE In:
Treating Others
As You Want Treated.
Simple Kindness
Respect
&
Courtesy
NOTHING More
&
I Will EXCEPT
NOTHING LESS.
THAT Being Said…
PLEASE
Do NOT Assume
That I Will Tolerate
Or
ACCEPT YOUR
DISRESPECT
Of Me
Or
Of My Position!
I REFUSE
To Be “DISMISSED”
Like A Child.
If I’m Asking You To Do Something
LIKE MEETING ME
More Than 1 Time
Or
Complete A Questionnaire
There’s A Reason!
If You Think You Can
“TEXT/EMAIL”
Me…
TELLING ME
“I Don’t Have Time For You”
Then Guess What…?
I DON’T
HAVE TIME
FOR YOU
OR
YOUR WEDDING!!
Be A FRICKIN’
“GROWN-UP”
&
Pick Up The Phone
To Discuss It With Me!!!!!!
Otherwise
YOU NEED A
NEW OFFICIANT!!
UGH!!
Reverend V’s
Words of Wisdom….
I’ve been approached with
Questions,
Concerns,
“Issues”
&
Asking for advice
This page is dedicated to the ALL my Brides;
Especially the one’s brave enough
To look through & past the veil…
Consider having your wedding on a Friday or Sunday. Vendors, Venues & EVERYTHING wedding can be up to 1/2 the price of a Saturday wedding!
Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
Ladies… I know you love him.
You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.
If I can say ANYTHING about the future it is this:
PAY ATTENTION
To HOW He Treats
&
What He SAYS About His Mother!
This is a man’s 1st relationship with a female.
It molds his character,
Shapes his views toward the opposite sex
&
Will form his actions in a relationship.
If it is an “unhealthy” relationship;
It WILL NOT improve,
“Magically” go away
or
Change because “YOU Love Him.”
You are NOT the “Magic Cure” for HIS “Issues.”
&
YOU WILL Eventually Become A Substitute
For His Displaced Resentment OR Anger.
If you are headed down the aisle…
If his Mother is NOT dead…
AND YOU have NOT met her;
make it a point that the BOTH of you go see her!!!
Know what your getting yourself into!
If he refuses…There’s a reason.
You’re “Spidey” senses SHOULD be tingling!
Maybe she IS a “bitch.”
You’ll never know unless you see the two of them together.
If she treats him well & he’s “civil” to her; then somethings “hinky.”
This is a realistic look into YOUR future.
You owe it to yourself to know what you’re getting yourself into.
The ONLY exceptions to ignoring, mistreating or “bad mouthing” your mother:
Sexual Abuse
Abandonment
(abandonment is NOT giving you up for adoption, that actually may be the most loving thing they can do)
&
Severe Physical Abuse
(For the “old school” raised children: FYI, a “spanking” is NOT abuse–welts are)
Even then, “forgiveness,” will bring YOU peace…
I’m not saying you want a “Mama’s Boy.” THAT’s a whole other bag of worms…
But if he ignores his mother, he WILL eventually ignore you.
If he berates his mother, he will eventually berate you.
If he ignores important dates…Mother’s Day, her Birthday, doesn’t take 2 minutes on the phone to say Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, etc.,
He will eventually ignore what’s important to you.
Being kind is NOT very hard to do.
If a person is unable to be kind to the person who gave birth to him, fed him, clothed him…well then…
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT?
I can tell you from experience…
If she worked a lot;
She was putting food on the table
Clothes on his back
OR
Getting him the play station he wanted!
If he’s of the age to be married & hasn’t found “forgiveness” in his heart for a mother trying to do her best–
Better just think twice!
What you don’t realize until you are older & have children of your own…
Most parents are just trying to get through the day.
BEING AN ADULT IS HARD.
Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world that you’ll ever love.
Babies don’t come with instructions stamped to their butt saying
“Do it this way to PERFECTLY raise this child.”
EVERY PARENT
Will eventually have their teenage child tell them they “suck” as a parent!
Realize that. Accept that. Deal with that. It’s the “ADULT” in his/her 20’s, 30’s or even 40’s who doesn’t let go of those “hormone induced” rantings that you should RUN from & to whom should probably seek counseling. NEVER have I spoke with ANY parent who said, “Yeah, well, I didn’t give a crap about this kid so I just raised him half-assed.” People by nature do their best at mostly everything they do. That’s how we have survived as a species. Parenting is no exception.
NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!
NOT YOU
NOT your parents!
EVERY PARENT will tell you they have regrets…
You live,
You Learn…
THAT’s why your kids will have AWESOME Grand Parents!!!
ONLY GOD IS PERFECT!
If you get to the point where you’re of the age to be married, you should be of a MATURITY level to forgive someone who tried their best, a mother OR father who kept a roof over your head, food in your belly and clothes on your back. If an argument (no matter how awful) has tainted his view on his relationship with his mother or father then eventually YOU will say something that he will find “unforgivable” too.
WORDS ARE JUST WORDS.
Can they hurt, yes. Sure they can but at what point are you going to
“Suck It Up Buttercup?”
Like you’ve NEVER said ANYTHING you regretted?
Did someone forgive you?
Grow the hell up!
REALLY. We all say, including me…things in anger.
Being unforgiving only hurts the person who is being that way.
Yes, it hurts the one who is not being forgiven (especially if an honest attempt to apologize has not been accepted) but
It damages the soul of the one who refuses to forgive.
Look at your mate objectively; if you see any of the things I mentioned…no matter how much you “love” them…
RUN! You’re getting a look into YOUR future.
NEVER.
I MEAN NEVER!
Tell a man “Don’t waste money on flowers, candy or gifts.”
Time will go by and USUALLY, unfortunately, so does the urge to pamper you.
Frankly, “Life” happens & things change; job loss, kids, diapers, etc.
Enjoy it while you have it!
Besides, in ALL the things you may say to him that he’ll probably forget, NOT hear or just out & out ignore—
THAT STATEMENT
WILL BE
The ONE Thing He Remembers!
When you have a 10 year anniversary & don’t do anything or get ANYTHING to celebrate…
DON’T say I didn’t warn you!
You did it to yourself.
Somewhere along the line you said:
Awe, you SHOULDN’T have.”
WHY THE HELL NOT???
Aren’t YOU worth it?
Saying I do doesn’t mean you forfeit the chance to feel special & have a nice things done for you.
For Gods sake;
SMILE
Accept The Gift
&
Say “Thank You.”
Otherwise,
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
If you are at the point that you’re “cruising” my site…
CONGRATULATIONS!
On your pending nuptials.
I have to say this…
If you have a “concern“ in your “gut“ about your relationship,
What ever the issue;
Fidelity
Verbal Abuse
Frequent arguments…
You get the gist.
YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THIS STAGE OF A RELATIONSHIP!
If you “feel” that a “little” counseling will help…
YOU ARE NOT
“RELATIONSHIP READY“
TO BE MARRIED!!
Ladies.
We are “raised” with the idea that we will grow up, meet Prince Charming, get married & live “Happily Ever After.”
It’s Our “Cinderella” Moment…
I truly think it’s been in our culture for so long that it may NOW be one of our DNA markers. You MUST remember, I can’t say this enough:
A Wedding is
ONE DAY
A marriage is a life time.
There is a great line in one of my favorite plays, “Into the Woods.”
Don’t
Get Caught Up
In The “Romance”
Of The Event
&
MISS
WARNING SIGNS
That The DREAM
Will Turn Into A NIGHTMARE!
You WILL have your “Cinderella Moment”
It just shouldn’t be with this guy.
If You Need “Counseling“ NOW,
You WILL Need A Lawyer Later!
YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK!
“Different.”
Different isn’t bad or good.
It’s just different.
He may be out-going, you may be shy or visa versa.
DON’T let it be an “issue” in your relationship.
Take the time to “learn” your mates “language.”
You might not hear “I Love You” but him checking the air in your tires BEFORE you get stuck with a flat just SCREAMS it!
LISTEN, you’ll be surprised!
AND GUYS…
This Is NOT A
Open your mouth sometimes!
Say “I Love You.”
Open your wallet every now & again.
Go to Walmart-buy $5 worth of flowers for NO REASON.
Hell, pick some road side wild flowers…(Shake the bugs out BEFORE you give them to her!)
It’s The
THOUGHT & ACTIONS
That Counts!
(Yeah, “I thought about getting flowers” DOESN’T COUNT!)
If she TRULY does mean something to you SHOW IT!!!
Everything will eventually die if it doesn’t get what it needs to survive…water for plants…food for, well, everything…ATTENTION for a relationship.
If you love someone, show them!
Life is fleeting.
You may just turn around and they’re gone…
Then the moment is lost.
I’m always amazed that a person will put 25 cents in a meter as a
But can’t take the same amount of time to say I love you; it’s sad really.
You only get out of a relationship what you put into it!
Nothing from nothing is nothing… But remember to LISTEN–what you assume may be nothing might be a silent scream.
It AMAZES me everyday how SMART my “dumb” parents were.
If we ALL had a
For every time we even thought…
“You don’t know what you’re talking about”
When it comes to advice from our parents we’d all be rich.
Unfortunately, by the time we realize it they have passed on
You can only look up
&
Say “THANK YOU“ For Caring.
You may NOT be getting along with your mom right now…
You may NEVER see “eye to eye…”
She might be the BIGGEST pain in the butt ever!
Something I’ve realized the older I get…
Trust what your Mom says to you.
She loves you.
It might NOT be what you want to hear…
She may not say it eloquently…
She might even get P.O.’d that you’re not taking “her” advice…
BUT
With age comes wisdom!
She may be seeing something you don’t or are incapable of realizing at this moment.
Remember “Love is blind…Divorce isn’t.”
NO ONE knows you or loves you more than YOUR Mother!
Listen to her!
It might just save you a WORLD of heartache in the future!
If you are a child of divorce or are marrying a child of divorce:
PLEASE listen to me…
YOUR PARENTS ISSUES ARE NOT YOURS!
Some call divorce a “failure.”
Some times a divorce is actually “fixing” an irreparably broken relationship.
Either way it is NONE of YOUR concern!
Their issues are EXACTLY that!!
Their issues!
DON’T TAKE SIDES!!!!
A marital relationship goes 2 ways, NOT 3,4 or 5.
There are ALWAYS 3 points of view in a marriage; HIS view, HER view & THE TRUTH which lies somewhere in between!!!
Some divorced couples heal & the “adult” in them eventual wins outand allows them, if nothing else to be in the same room with out vitriol spewing from their mouths.
Others, well sad to say, NEVER get past the experience, learn from it or forgive the other.
It is the children of those couples that I want to speak to now.
DON’T forsake one of your parents because of what the other says about them or what “families” have said about them.
It’s a one sided view & is tainted by pain & vindictiveness.
ALL Families have “issues.”
If they say they don’t, they are lying! If they look perfect, then they’re REALLY good at hiding it.
Their view is EXACTLY that, their view.
You only ever have ONE set of parents.
Your relationship as adults is just that, YOUR relationship.
If you love your Mom, love her.
If you love your Dad, love him.
Then Just Love Them.
They will NOT be around forever & when you REALLY realize how much they mean to you…often they’re gone and
THAT emptiness NEVER heals.
There’s no way it can-you’ve already lost your chance–
THEY ARE GONE.
You can’t get a hug from a headstone.
A headstone is NOT going to babysit in a moments notice
&
It can NEVER let you hear
“I Love You,” one more time…
NO ONE is as “good” or is as “bad” as they are portrayed.
So many people will be “forgiving” or will “forgive” a friend or stranger of betrayal or of an action far worse, yet a parent is crucified for the unthinkable action of “Loving them.”
Grow The Hell Up!
Be an adult.
STOP PICKING SIDES.
Life is NOT a baseball game.
Start an “ADULT” relationship with the people who, if nothing else, gave you life.
BE THE “ADULT” THAT YOUR PARENT(S) AREN’T.
YOU are the only one losing out, NOT everyone is lucky enough to be loved;
DON’T WASTE IT!
This is a “Special” Note to ALL Couples families:
If you are a family member of a: “new” couple, a “married” couple, a “separated” couple and ESPECIALLY a “divorced” couple:
Keep “your” opinions to YOURSELF!
No one needs or cares about YOUR view point!
You are NOT a factor in ANY of the relationships involved.
Your NEGATIVE opinions are detrimental to ALL persons involved.
Yes, you want to “support” your family member…
I understand that.
Just do it SILENTLY!
ESPECIALLY when it comes to their children.
NO CHILD
SHOULD HEAR ANYTHING
DEROGATORY ABOUT
THEIR PARENT!
Life sucks enough without YOU adding to the muck!
That “core” relationship has nothing to do with you, so keep your views to yourself!
You’re actually
HURTING
The one you’re professing to care about!
STOP IT & BUTT OUT!!!
If you’re with someone…
Look at their parents.
If the parent is loving, open & forgiving then the child is also.
If the parent is immature, quick to anger & unforgiving, then it’s a good chance that the child will be also.
If the parents have made it this far in life & have not let bitterness effect them, then you’re more likely to have a mate who will be the same.
I’m NOT talking about the parent when you walk out the door who you’re friends say he/she is “so cool.”
We’re ALL cool when we’re not forcing you to go to school, brush your teeth or pay a bill… That’s not the point.
I’m not talking about “she’s gonna be fat like her mom” either.
Children are sponges.
They soak up EVERYTHING!
Good & bad.
They take that into adulthood.
Look at their family,
If you’re at a “family gathering”
&
Everyone is talking S***
On a PREVIOUS “member” of the family…
Someone’s EX…
Girlfriend…
Wife…
Boyfriend…
Husband…
Make NO Mistake…
When YOUR Back Is Turned…
OR
Heaven Forbid YOU Screw Up…
YOU WILL BE THE ONE
THEY’LL BE TALKIN‘
SMACK ON NEXT!!!
Their parents,
How they TRULY treat others…
There’s an old saying…
The greatest gift you can give your children is to love their mother/father.
That is the absolute truth.
Even if they’re divorced, the parents should, if nothing else respect the other person that helped conceive that child.
The child may be an adult now,
But
If they’ve assimilated the bias,
Disrespect or general “nastiness”
Displayed by a divorced parent toward the other parent—
Then RUN!!
When things get tough, as life tends to do–they have a “ton of crap” to throw at you that you can’t possibly conceive of right now because you are “in love.”
That’s what you’re marrying…
Can You Live With THAT?
ALWAYS treat your partner with the same kindness & respect that you show your friends or a stranger.
So often we neglect or even abuse the one’s closest to us without a thought.
A “bad habit” BEFORE it starts.
You know what the Bible says is true:
“Do unto others as you would have done to you.”
Be nice,
nice comes back at you 3 fold.
Be a A** Hole,
You’ll get that too!
Marriage Will NOT Make You
“Happier”
In A Relationship
Any More Than
A Baby Will “Fix” It.
If you’re thinking:
“He’ll settle down once we’re married…”
“He’ll pay more attention to me once we’re married…”
“The boys night out & video gaming will slow down or stop once we’re married…”
JUST
He is who he is.
Love him for what he is at this moment
or
MOVE ON!!!
UNIVERSAL TRUTH:
Women define “Love” as RELATIONSHIP.
Men define “Love” as SEX.
There is a VAST difference between the two.
But we need BOTH to satisfy each!
It’s a shame how society has mangled our view of reality.
We have to be “model pretty” or thin to be of value.
We are raised:
Grow up,
Meet a man,
Get married,
Have babies,
Whatever your “issues” are;
A Man In Your Life
Will NOT fix it!
UGH!
IT MAKES ME CRAZY!!
“You have to be a good single BEFORE you can be a good duo.”
LADIES…
DON’T marry the man you love at this moment if he is NOT the man you expect to be with 10, 20 or 50 years down the line!
NEVER
Enter a relationship expecting or hoping he will change.
He is who he is.
If he does “change”
You probably won’t like
What he’s changed into
Because it came through:
Nagging, Fighting
OR
Just because he
“Gave Up” OR
Didn’t Want To Hear It Anymore.
Under All That “Change”
Is A DEEP SEATED,
Underlying Resentment
That You’ll Live To Regret.
Find the man
You See Yourself
Sitting On A Porch With
30 years
From NOW
&
Marry HIM!!
If you have concerns, issues or something that you’d like to “get off your chest,” contact me. I will let you talk it out, sometimes an objective view helps. I do do counseling if needed. It will NEVER let it leave this office.
Reverend V (412)352-3345
To the victims of terror, HERE & throughout the world…
May God hold you in the palms of his hands & may he grant your families peace through forgiveness.
To my Beloved Soldiers (ESPECIALLY), Police Officers & 1st Respondents who put their lives on the line EVERY DAY so that we may walk in freedom, feel safe in our homes & get help when we are at our worst…
May God BLESS YOU, Keep You Safe & Let you return to your love ones without incident.
To Our Vet’s: THANK YOU for Our Freedom.
May God Bless You, Always!